


Supernatural Drabbles

by softclquds



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort/Angst, Cute Kids, Domestic Fluff, Established Castiel/Sam Winchester, Established Relationship, Family Fluff, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Other, Romantic Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:14:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26289319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softclquds/pseuds/softclquds
Summary: Open for a short intro! :)
Relationships: Castiel & Sam Winchester, Castiel/Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Sam Winchester & Original Character(s)
Kudos: 6





	1. Introduction

Hi! This is my collection of Supernatural Drabbles that I am in the process of writing (slowly and spurratically by the way), so glad you could stop by! I want to mention a few things, one, this will always if not almost always be Sam centered so if you don't like him this isn't for you. Two, this will include a variety of Sam ships (not Wincest) and I'll update the tags if I ever add new ones so you know what to expect. Three, this will mainly be fluff, angst or somewhere in between (with lots of comfort and happy endings), there probably won't be much smut as I'm not comfortable writing that. Fourth, if there is any triggering content I will definitely add a clear trigger warning for the readers so you know what's ahead (and so you know what to avoid). Read at your own risk, THERE WILL BE S15 SPOILERS, I'll tag those as well. Lastly, enjoy your stay! This may be five parts or sixty parts long, I have no idea how long I'll be updating for so enjoy what's here for as long as you'd like. Lastly I don't own Supernatural or the characters, I just love them dearly. 

Enjoy the fanfics!


	2. Room Twenty One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean head out on a hunt in Oregon while Cas stays back to heal, but Sam comes back battered and bruised and in need of some care. Cas is happy to help to the younger Winchester (who he totally doesn't have feelings for) after he returns. It's not all sunshine and rainbows though, maybe there's a little cuddling too.

An early hunt called the boys out of Lebanon and over to Quaker Valley, Oregon, where Dean mentioned they'd be crashing a few days to  
work on a case. Cas on the other hand stayed behind to recover from Rowena's spell that had nearly killed him. At the moment he was currently  
sitting in one of the rolley chairs by the map table. Because the angel didn't sleep, he didn't see much of a need to have his own living space or  
bedroom, as Sam called it, and often would simply wander around the bunker in the evening hours while his human companions rested for a  
handful of hours. Sam had been trying to convince Cas for months to create his own room for comfort purposes, but he had never really gotten  
around to it. Wrapped in a blanket, trenchcoat resting on a coatrack, the injured angel was gazing around the main area of the bunker, simply  
lost in his own thoughts. Quickly though, his guilt for feeling usless to the Winchesters overwhelming him and he dove into research to find a  
way to be of use to them. After researching up on their case, he gave Sam a call and filled him in on what he had. Unsurprisingly, he was  
shooed away from research and was told to "rest and heal" by Dean. The ex-soldier of God powerful seraph had never been told to "rest and  
heal" before, and quite frankly the idea of having to sit back and recover while Sam and Dean went out to fight again disturbed him, as he was  
their guardian angel. What a guardian angel he was, huddled up like a small child in a blanket, all alone in a huge bunker and far away from  
who he was supposed to be guarding. Cas knew very well that Sam and Dean Winchester could hold their own (well that was an  
understatement), but being far away and unable to help at all filled his mind with unease. After what felt like an eternity of being lost in thought,  
Cas decided to take up Sam's offer of "resting and relaxing" since he had nothing better to do and staring at the wall was getting to be quite  
tiresome. Sam had told Cas to go to his room and to watch tv which subconsciously had made Cas very happy since his best friend was many  
miles away at the moment. Having a reminder of Sam, even if it was simply the smell of coffee and soap that filled his room everytime Cas  
entered it was something he found comfort in. Not that he entered Sam's room a lot, the two were close friends but as of now Cas had never  
really been able to express his "more than friends" emotions for Sam out of fear of being rejected. He truly had not even the slightlest clue as to  
whether Sam felt the same for him because of what Dean would call "nerves", he was too afraid to express his feelings to the taller Winchester.

As he approached the door to Sam's room (now adorned with a little 'Sam' placard), his heartbeat jumped for a moment, he had never been in  
Sam's room alone before. He put his hand on the doorknob and turned it, it creaked open a bit before he pushed it all the way open and entered.  
The familar scent of soap and coffee wafted around him and he couldn't help but crack a small smile. He paused for a moment to take in Sam's  
neatly organized room. Sam had often mentioned how messy Dean's room was and smugly bragged about how he kept his clean, and he was  
right, it was clean and hardly anything was out of place. His most recently used flannels hung on two hooks on the left of the door. He fondly  
remembers Sam telling him which was his favorite flannel (it was the red and black flannel on the hook closest to him). His bed faced away  
from the wall on his right, with the tv on the opposite side of the room. There was a nightstand next to the bed with a glass of water and the  
tv remote next to it, likely the last thing Sam used before he left. There was also a desk with papers including lore for hunts but that didn't  
interest Cas much. Sam's bed was neatly made with two pillows by the headboard. Two? Cas pondered, noting that Sam slept alone. Then it hit  
him that Sam had left that second pillow for him, why exactly he didn't know. A set of clothes were also laid out on the bed, neatly folded with  
a sticky note on top. Sam had planned to ask him to go into his room? Cas approached the clothes and picked up the note on top of it. 'You  
might want to change out of that uncomfortable suit once and a while, hopefully everything fits :) - Sam'. He glanced at the clothes in question  
to find an old graphic t-shirt with a band he was unfamiliar with on it and a pair of grey sweatpants. He decided to take Sam's advice and  
change out of the suit he currently had on. Once changed and comfortable in bed, he turned on the tv and uncertainly began to flick through the  
channels and indulge in media he never had the chance to experience while working in heaven. He would rather not think of heaven right now  
and left on a food channel while the chef cooked something he'd never seen before. Although the angel couldn't sleep, he was able to doze a bit  
and as the hours passed he was in and out of consciousness, allowing his vessel to heal. Every so often he'd glance around Sam's room to take  
in new things he hadn't seen before and ponder about their use. A worn leather journal rested on the corner of Sam's desk which Cas could only  
presume was a journal. Sam had once told him that it's used for writing, but Cas didn't understand what one would actually write down in the  
peculiar book. Although curious, he refused to violate Sam's privacy in that sense, as the man had told him that it was used for his private  
thoughts and feelings. Cas admired that about Sam, that he was smart and logical as well as emotional and empathetic. He was the kind of  
human Cas always wished he could be. 

At some point Cas got up to get fresh air but mainly he stayed in Sam's room for the duration of the Winchester's time out of the bunker. At  
some point Dean gave him a call and asked him to research about a new monster but it was a blur to him. Sam eventually joined Dean and that  
got Cas's attention, but it was more case information. He was eager to help the boys and glad he could help them finish their case faster, which  
it did. After four days of the boys being gone, Cas got a text from Sam. 'Hey Cas, we're heading home. Hope you're feeling better. eta 7am  
tomorrow.' Part of him felt mixed emotions, he had enjoyed resting in Sam's room and was dissapointed he would have to give it up, but he  
was also excited to see his friends again after over four days. At around five in the morning the next day, he decided to tidy up Sam's room to  
leave it as clean as he had found it. He made the bed, refilled the glass of water and put the remote where he had found it. He put all the chairs  
back into place in the map room and waited for the boys to arrive home after their hunt. He was not sure what state the Winchesters would be in  
when they arrived home so he stuck around the map room to assist them if they needed anything. He wasn't able to use his healing abilities at  
the moment due to still being fairly week, but he knew how to treat injuries "human style". Sam had taught him how to stitch wounds, apply  
slings, put on bandaids and how many painkillers are normal for an average adult man. He could take care of them adequately, and part of him  
knew he likely would have to. He had no idea much they had slept, ate or drank water on this past hunt (Dean had mentioned they often had  
difficulty doing that sometimes) so he knew where to get supplies as well. He was fully prepared for whatever mess Sam and Dean brought back  
with them. 

He was right, they were a mess. Both stumbled in bone tired and bloody. Dean had a gash above his eyebrow, one on his cheek and a cut on his  
nose to start. Sam also had a gash on of his cheeks with a bruise on the other from a likely painful punch. He had a cut on his forehead, and  
more on his arms from what Cas could see. Dean was able to carry himself over to his room to patch himself up, but Sam wasn't so lucky. The  
younger Winchester made it to the map table before stopping for a moment. 

"Hey Sam," Cas approached, putting his hands out in case Sam were to topple over. 

"Hey Cas, you feeling better?" Cas chuckled, noting Sam's selflessness in asking Cas how he was doing while barely being able to stand upright  
himself from exhaustion. 

"I am, are you okay?" Concern spread over his face while glancing at his friend, his hand now on Sam's arm to steady him. He looked like he  
was about to lose consciousness and Cas didn't want him to collapse. He wasn't able to get a verbal answer, but he got a physical one. Sam  
opened his mouth to reply but his eyes rolled back and his legs buckled under him. Cas was there in a heartbeat to catch the large man, and even  
though he was a little weak he was still a powerful angel and had no issues holding the man up. He slung Sam's arm around his shoulder and  
used his strength to hold him up as they limped towards room twenty one. He swung the door open and laid Sam down on his bed, now  
neatly made. Sam was still passed out so Cas went to get medical supplies, food and water to help Sam recover. He may not have been able to  
tag along on the hunt but he could sure as hell take care of at least Sam now (he would go and check on Dean later). With an armful of supplies  
he made it back to Sam's room and closed the door behind him. He laid it all down on the desk. He grabbed a waterbottle and snack and walked  
over to Sam. He gently shook Sam to wake him, which it did. Sam sat up slowly and managed to get into a sitting position, in which he was  
handed his food and water which he ingested quickly. Next came sewing up wounds, bandaids and three painkillers. Sam needed a nice long  
rest to feel like a real human again, because right now he felt like a creaky old zombie. He noted despite his dreariness that Cas was extremely  
gentle with patching him up, which subconsciously made him smile. After he was all taken care of he was able to change himself into a t-shirt  
and sweatpants (Cas had washed the clothes Sam gave him and returned them to their drawers the previous day, but decided to use them today  
since they were the first ones he could find). Cas guided Sam back to his bed with one arm around his shoulder and the other around his waist.  
Sam was hardly able to stay awake anymore, let alone stand. Cas sat at the head of the bed and Sam laid down, his head on Cas's thigh. 

"Sam, you really should be taking better care of yourself," Cas spoke softly, a hint of concern in his tone. The shape Sam had shown up in  
wounds aside had worried the angel. Hardly having eaten or drank anything, likely little to no sleep at all? He was reckless and irrisponsible  
with his own body. It made Cas upset, seeing Sam be so careless with his own wellbeing. He would never admit it but this behavior had  
ignited a caring instinct in Cas that he'd never be able to shake. Any day that Sam Winchester was safe and well nourished was a good day. 

"Mm, that's what I have you for," Sam mumbled softly. Cas cracked a small smile, noting the man's dreary fondness. A stray bang had fallen in  
front on Sam's forehead and before Cas could think about it he brushed it gently out of the way and ran his hand briefly through Sam's hair. It  
was softer than Cas could've ever imagined, as stupid as that sounded. Sam's lips tilted upwards to form a smile as he let out an innocent sound  
of pleasure. Cas looked at Sam's lips as they lifted and wondered what it would be like to kiss them, they looked so soft. He shook the idea from  
his mind and focused on something else while continuing to run his hands through Sam's soft tousled hair. They stayed like that for hours, Sam  
laying on Cas and Cas relishing in the contact with Sam. As Sam shifted in his sleep Cas scooted down so that he too would be able to lay down  
and by the time Sam woke next his head was on Cas's chest and an arm was draped over the angel's waist. Conscious Sam would never be  
brave enough to get this close but sleeping Sam was snuggled into Cas's side as close as he could. Cas was not complaining at all, though. If  
this was the closest he'd ever get to Sam he had to take it in while he could. So they laid there for a while, cuddled together, Sam's soft snores  
filling the quiet room and Cas's ears. Cas dozed off a few times but his main goal was watching over Sam as he slept (in the least weird way  
possible) and making sure the hunter slept long enough to recover for the four days he had missed. Wishful thinking unfortunately, since  
only six hours after Sam had fallen asleep a disturbance had woken him up. Jolted him awake more like, causing panic to overtake his features.  
A nightmare, and a bad one. 

The disheveled and half-asleep man sat straight up in front of Cas. The best way Cas could describe Sam's condition was something similar to a  
panic attack. The large man was shivering violently, practically hyperventilating and seemingly on the verge of tears. It didn't take Cas long to  
snap into action and sit up next to his friend. 

"Sam," he spoke quietly as to not scare him, "wake up." He placed his hands on both of Sam's shoulders and gently shook him, hoping to wake  
his mind from its' trance. It didn't work, however. Sam's eyes were screwed shut and his hands were wrapped right around his upper arms  
while his knees came up to his chest. He was practically in fetal position now, rocking back and forth slowly while tears spilled down his sewn  
up cheeks. Cas didn't know what else to do, he didn't want to invade his friends' personal space if he was not okay with it but nothing was  
waking Sam out of his waking nightmare. Cas couldn't tell if his friend was actually awake or fully asleep, perhaps in a sleep-like trance. Cas  
had to do something, so he did the one thing he could think of that would work.

"SAM!" he yelled, loud enough to hopefully scare the taller man awake. It worked, as Sam flinched away from him and his eyes shot open. His  
shaky hands came to balance himself upright on the bed and he gazed around, eyes wild. He was stunned, taking a moment to allow his brain to  
catch up to what had just happened. He was practically drinking in his breaths while his chest rose up and down faster than Cas had ever seen it  
do before. 

"Sam, are you okay? I think you had a nightmare," Cas's soft voice brought Sam's attention to him. The younger man's bright green eyes locked  
on his and his mouth was agape. Cas scooted back to rest his back on the headboard, he felt he needed to give Sam a little space as his friend  
looked extremely overwhelmed. Before Cas was able to recieve an answer though Sam had moved over to him and laid his head on Cas's chest.  
That was a shock, for sure. To any outsider it would seem extremely confusing as to how Sam and Cas could have gone from close friends to  
cuddle buddies in a matter of hours. What Cas was seemingly unaware of though was Sam's very hidden feelings for the angel. It wasn't just  
tonight that they had been closer than friends. During the previous few months the two had been slowly growing closer, little gestures of  
affection that Cas had seemingly misinterpreted as friendship had led up to this moment. Before his hunt Sam had purposefully left out clothes  
for Cas (he had realized right before falling asleep the previous night that he was wearing the same ones he had left out for Cas) and was hoping  
after this hunt to express his feelings for Cas but hadn't gotten the time yet. So right now, as overwhelmed and mentally drained as he was, he  
was going to use his friends' companionship to calm himself down. He pressed his left cheek against Cas's chest as wet hot tears rolled down his  
cheeks. Often he was afraid to cry in front of Dean out of a fear of being ridiculed, but in front of Cas alone he felt safe. He leaned his legs  
against Cas's and laid his other arm over Cas's waist. Fully conscious Sam would never be brave enough to do this but he was too distressed  
right now to care. Cas could tell Sam hadn't done it fully in his sleep which reassured him that he wasn't stepping over any lines. He began to  
softly card his fingers through Sam's hair as the taller man cried into his chest. After ten minutes of soft reassurances from Cas and soft touches,  
Sam finally seemed to be relaxing. His left hand which had originally been grabbing tightly at Cas's trenchcoat had loosened, as had his grip on  
the angel's waist. His cheek was still pressed firmly against Cas's chest. 

"I-it was Lucifer," Sam whispered softly, "I was back in the cage." Cas could remember vividly how haunted Sam had been after remembering  
everything from the cage. He had nearly died from it, after Cas had broken the wall in his head. Speaking of which Cas would forever feel  
mounds of guilt for doing that to Sam. It was one of the worst things he'd ever done as an angel, and if he had to apoligize a hundred times to  
Sam to be forgiven he would. He had apoligized, actually. Sam had never held it against him but Cas always felt such remorse for it. Snapping  
back to the present, Sam kept speaking.

"They were... torturing me," he took a deep breath, "Michael and Lucifer." He was quiet for a moment, "It f-felt like I was back there, like I  
h-had never escaped." The words could hardly escape his lips but Cas knew what he meant. 

"Sam," Cas began, lifting Sam's head up softly so their eyes could meet, "you're not there anymore. You got out of the cage, so did your soul.  
Many years ago. You escaped, you're here in the bunker with me and with Dean. Lucifer is dead, so is Michael. You're safe." Safe was the best  
word Cas could use to express his point. Safe meaning out of danger, out of harm's way, able to rest. Sam had to constantly be on high alert  
for most of his life and right now Cas wanted him to know that he could let his guard down, let Cas take care of him, even just for a little while.  
Sam nodded softly, his eyes still locked on Cas's. Their eyes stayed locked for what felt like an eternity with a growing silence behind them.  
Sam felt fully awake now, suddenly becoming aware of how close he and Cas actually were. His cheeks tinted with a rosy blush and his eyes  
slipped down to Cas's lips for just a moment before flicking back up to his eyes. They looked so soft, and Sam wondered what it would be like  
to kiss them. He knew Cas likely didn't feel the same so he instead sat up and broke eye contact with the angel. He could feel himself beginning  
to get tired again and laid his head on Cas's shoulder but Cas insisted that they laid down. He knew the man was right and opted to lay down  
instead, knowing it was more comfortable. To both of their surprises Sam and Cas settled back into the position they were in before Sam's  
nightmare. Sam's head on Cas's chest, arm around his waist (more modestly this time), Cas's arms wrapped around Sam's body and resting on  
his back. An outsider would think they'd been married for ten years but no, they were just two oblivious boys in love. 

Lucky for Sam, he slept for twelve more hours with no nightmares before waking at 1am the next day, fully rested and content. He and Cas  
were now facing eachother, wrapped in a bundle of limbs. Sam woke first, realizing Cas had likely dozed as well. He didn't even know angels  
could sleep, but guessed it was probably a light sleep, so he made sure he was extra careful in detangling himself from Cas and getting up. He  
fixed his bandages and went to take a shower. By the time he got back Cas was awake and had made the bed. He turned around when Sam  
entered the room.

"Good morning Sam," he said warmly.

"Morning, Cas," Sam started, feeling like there was an elephant in the room at the the moment, "I-I'm sorry for last night, I was just really out of  
it and loopy as all hell from the painkillers, I didn't mean to cry so much," he had been used to apoligizing for his actions and hoped Cas  
wouldn't be too upset at him for crying like a baby for way too long. He scratched the back of his neck for a moment, trying to guage Cas's  
reaction. Cas slowly walked around the bed and over to him which Sam was not expecting at all, however he remained a few feet away from  
Sam at the moment. Sam didn't know what this meant, was he mad? Annoyed? Did he care at all? Was it something else?

"Sam, I would never be mad at you for that, you have lived through unimagineable pain in hell and it is reasonable that you may have  
nigthtmares about it. It was my fault that your wall was broken to begin with so I feel it's only fair to be with you in the times where it may  
haunt you. I care about you a lot." It was a lot to take in, Sam's stomach fluttered at the last sentence, but he was also trying to process Cas's  
guilt for breaking the wall in his head. 

"That's not your fault Cas, it would've broken anyway at some point and plus I lived, right?" he chuckled, trying to downplay it. He didn't want  
Cas to feel guilty for it when Sam had never really blamed him for it, he knew Cas was going through a rough time when it had happened.

"Hardly, it was a miracle. Don't blame yourself for your PTSD Sam, I know that Dean may not be the most open minded about it but I am, you  
can trust me if you feel comfortable. You are the bravest person I know." Cas had not expected to say that, but he meant it. Sam's cheeks  
blushed again and he looked down nervously. He looked as if he was about to speak up but Cas beat him to it. 

"Do not object, Sam, I know you don't believe it but I do, and I hope one day you will too." Cas suddenly realized how close they had gotten  
and before he could think about it he subconsciously reached his hands out and grabbed Sam's. They were now only inches apart as they both  
once again locked eyes. Sam swallowed nervously as his heartrate skyrocketed. 

"If this.. if this isn't what you want I can leave, please tell me if I'm overstepping," Cas spoke quietly as his eyes darted down to glance at Sam's  
lips before raising back up again to meet his eyes. Sam's blush increased, now realizing what this meant. He had been right, Cas felt the same  
way as he did and he wasn't imagining anything. He was frozen for a moment, not sure of what to do. His lips ghosted Cas's, impossibly close.

"Don't... don't leave," Sam mumbled softly. Those words were enough for Sam to swallow his anxiety and close the small distance  
between their bodies. Their lips collided in an explosion of sparks while Sam broke from Cas's hands and brought his hand up to cup the angel's  
cheeks. His angel, he thought fondly. Cas's hands found their grip on the front of Sam's flannel while they continued kissing, beginning to  
move backwards until they hit the wall. They were pressed against eachother now, slowly and softly indulging in the kiss. Sam completely lost  
himself in it and pushed off of the wall to get closer to Cas's body. He flipped around so Cas was facing the wall and started moving  
backwards until the back of his legs hit his bed. Cas pushed him over and they continued (now full on making out) for a few minutes before  
footsteps shocked them both out of their trances. They could both hear Dean coming towards Sam's room (likely to see if Sam was awake) and  
they were surely not ready to tell Dean about what was happening between them. Cas put his hands on Sam's chest and broke the kiss to signal  
that they had to stop because Dean was coming. Sam knew Dean was coming but part of him did not want to stop. As Cas pulled his lips away  
Sam chased them for a few seconds before falling back on the bed breathing heavily. Cas fixed his trenchcoat and stepped away from Sam to  
pick up a book on the desk while Sam fixed his flannel and sat up just in time for Dean to come waltzing in the room.

"Good, glad you're up Sammy. I caught another case, want to come along?" Sam didn't need to think about his answer this time.

"I still need to heal from this past hunt first, Dean. You good taking care of it on your own?" He asked, knowing Cas would be happy about  
that. 

"Fine, you and Cas better not burn this place down while I'm gone though, and don't go into my room. Cas make sure my brother doesn't do  
anything stupid." With that Dean was out of the room as soon as he had come in, door swinging closed behind him. Moments later arms  
wrapped around Sam from behind and Cas was whispering in his ear. A grin crept onto his lips as Cas got close.

"Maybe we can try that again later Sam Winchester." This was going to be fun.


	3. Along the Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam knew he'd never be able to settle down and have a full family of his own, but when killing monsters orphans a four year old human girl, what is he supposed to do with her? Give her up would be the logical answer, but that is not what he did. It turned out to be the best decision of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dedicate this to Rhi for helping me get to the inspiration to write this :) (you should follow her on twitter @angelcoresam) Apologies for spelling mistakes this is unbeta'd.

Sam didn't know when his life had changed this much but he felt like one day he woke up and suddenly this was his  
whole world, not that he was complaining. It had started when a hunt went wrong led to them orphaning a little girl, likely  
four or so years old. She had brown curly hair and brown eyes, with a tiny pointy nose (almost like his). Sam remembered  
she was so tiny, even for a four year old. He could hold her tiny body in his arms like it was nothing. He would never  
admit it to anyone but deep down it melted his heart and ignited a parental instinct in him he didn't even know he had.  
Part of him felt like he wanted to hold her close and never ever let go, but he pushed his newfound instincts  
down and focused on the main goal: getting her to safety. At the time of her rescue she had been passed out, from what  
Sam didn't know. She had woken up sometime after being rescued and surprisely was fairly calm, she didn't cry out for her  
parents or anything, she just stopped to take in her new surroundings and the new people she was with. She warmed up to  
Sam faster then he’d had even realized, but Dean she seemed to be cautious about.

Unlike her parents she was human, so she wasn't an issue of turning into a monster, more of a "where  
would she go". They couldn't hand her in to an orphanage, it would look far too suspicious and warrent a lot of  
paperwork, a firestation made Sam feel to guilty and they certainly weren't just going to leave her behind. Jody couldn't  
take her, she was far too young and her teengers were already enough work. So, that's how a four year old girl Sam decided to  
name 'Jess' (after his own Jess) ended up laying sleeping in his arms in the Impala on the way back to the bunker. As chaotic as  
their lives were at the moment with Lucifer running rampent and the British Men of Letters threatening their livelihood Sam  
figured they could take a small break to figure out what to do with this girl that had kind of fell more specifically into his  
lap, figuratively and literally.

"Sam, we need to figure out what to do with this girl," Dean spoke quietly, looking down at the girl sleeping in Sam's arms.

"I know Dean," he paused, "we will, but in the mean time we should take care of her." He couldn't just hand her off to  
someone and move on, he wanted to make sure she was taken care of.

"We orphaned her, the least we can do is help her out until we can find a good family." Dean sighed.

"Sam we can't take care of a child, we don't have any supplies and we leave the bunker every few days, who is going to  
take care of her?" He had made good points, but Sam had already thought this through.

"Look we've got no leads on Lucifer or the Men of Letters right now, so I think you and Cas can handle the small cases for  
the time being. De you know I've always wanted a kid of my own and I know our lifestyle doesn't exactly allow us to live  
long enough for kids but I've made it this far and after Jess I-I just.. I don't think I'm gonna get the chance to really settle  
down and have kids... but she's here, in my arms, completely orphaned, no one is coming to look for her." He paused for a  
moment, his voice getting caught in his throat. He swallowed and continued, "I don't want to die hunting the next case, I  
don't want my entire life to only be hunting, fighting angels and demons, or getting knocked out. I know you've never  
wanted to settle down at all, but you- you know this life was never for me. Not totally." Dean sighed, he knew Sam was  
right. Had Jess never died Sam would've likely been a boring old lawyer with three kids and a big house on a farm. He  
would never admit it to Sam but part of him felt guilty for taking that away from him by coming back, even if Jess's death  
wasn't his fault. So, Sam got to keep Jess for a while. It was supposed to be temporary but once Sam got attached to the  
little girl who would never stop smiling there was no way in hell he was giving her up. She had already begun speaking and could  
speak fairly well, but she was still learning. Sam still had so much to teach her and it was something he was really looking  
forward to. To his (and Dean's) relief she had already been potty trained by her birth parents so at least he could skip  
that mess. Needless to say, Sam was more than eager to take her in.

Cas had been fairly cautious at first, often not paying the little girl much attention but it wasn't long before Jess began to  
grow on him too. Dean became the "fun uncle" but kept his distance, he wasn't very interested in her. Often he was out on  
hunts but still made it home to be around every so often. Sam had not realized how having a little kid would bring out his  
soft side but he couldn't complain, Jess was one of the best things to have ever happened to him. Now a year later, with  
another kid in their little dysfunctional family, Sam and Cas really had their hands full with two very different kids. Sam  
was Jess's sole parent and Cas was Jack's, but together they came together and made it work.

At the moment Sam was supposed to be looking into lore about one of his first cases back since he got Jess, but keeping  
track of his daughter and reading proved to be a very difficult task. He was wearing one of his old worn maroon colored  
Stanford hoodies he had gotten from his time there and sweatpants, often choosing something easy over his flannels these  
days. Speaking of his daughter, she was barreling in his direction at the moment so he jerked his body to face where she  
was coming from to be able to catch her. She leaped into his arms and dissolved into a puddle of giggles. He couldn't help  
but laugh as she squirmed in his lap.

"You gotta sit still, I'm trying to focus," he laughed softly as she settled into his side and wrapped her arms around as much  
of him as she could cling to. Her hands grabbed onto his soft sweater as she buried her face in it. Sam practically had to  
swallow the tears that were threatening to fall. With Jess momentarily quiet and still Sam had the chance to take in as  
much research and lore as possible for the upcoming hunt. He was able to get in an hour's worth of research while Jess  
slept tucked into his side before Cas and Jack made it back to the bunker, effectively waking her from her nap. Sam  
decided to call it a day there and shut his laptop. Jess raced ahead of him to meet Cas and Jack as they made it down the  
stairs. Sam had a moment to take his altered reality in, which proved to be a lot to think about. His life had changed  
drastically in the past year, more then he could've ever imagined. Jess had changed his entire life and changed him as a  
person, and he never regretted taking her in for a moment. Even if they had their bad moments and Sam had stopped  
hunting as much he got one thing in life that he never ever imagined he would. The last time he truly had thought about  
kids it was in Stanford with Jess, who was now gone. Remembering her death winded him every time he thought about it,  
and it was too often. Although he had mostly healed over the years he never would all the way. Jess would love his little girl, she would  
be so proud of him for raising her right, at least he hoped so. He was afraid if he continued being as reckless as he had  
been for the past few years he never would've made it past thirty, let alone almost fourty. Although she would never have  
his eyes or his hair he would never think of her as anything less than his daughter, his favorite person in the world (apart  
from Dean maybe).

"Sam?" A voice broke through his thoughts, a moment later he realized it was Cas. He had spaced out for he couldn't tell  
how long, but Jess and Jack had already gone off to hang out in her (and Sam's) room for a little bit. Although Jack was  
physically much older than her they still enjoyed many things together as they both learned how to do them.

"Hey Cas," Sam smiled. Cas leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips, only lasting for a few seconds. Oh yeah, that too.  
In the year of having Jess and getting Jack Sam and Cas had a lot of time to get closer and well, they had. They hadn't  
quite put a label on it yet but Sam would call them unoffical boyfriends. Dean didn't know yet either, but Sam planned on  
telling him eventually.

Cas and Jack had just come back from a hunt of their own, which was why Sam and Cas hadn't seen eachother all day.  
Soon after the kids had emerged from Sam's room and Sam let Jess run around the map room to get her energy out. She  
had so much energy all the time, Sam always wondered how she did it while half the time he was bone tired at all hours.  
His daughter's sweet innocence and unwaivering admiration for her dad was something that warmed Sam's heart. She was  
always trying to be like him, one time she had even managed to put on one of his flannels, even if it had fitted her like a  
dress she was detirmined to show her dad she could be like him. Many times she had found him training when Cas was  
supposed to be watching her and had insisted on helping him. He had nearly worn out his mouth from how big his  
smile was. They would go out and get ice cream a lot, it was a good mental health break for him and a treat for her, he  
would always come back in a good mood. Often times when she couldn't sleep in her little bed in the corner of her and  
Sam's shared room, she would end up climbing up onto his bed and snuggling with him until they both fell asleep. Often  
times she Cas and Sam would share a bed, her in the middle and the two men on the outside. Luckily the bed was big  
enough to comfortably fit the three of them so no one would be squished. Sam didn't snore much but Jess did which was  
one of the funniest things to hear. Two grown men and a little girl in one bed and somehow she was the loudest. One of  
their favorite gestures of love would be to rub noses together, Jess would always say it tickled and would giggle afterwards.  
Sometimes during the winters he would grow out a small beard which Jess would always love to scratch with her little  
fingers, it always made him laugh. All the fond memories of their best moments would be something Sam would hold  
onto for the rest of his life. He never regretted taking Jess in, even in his darkest moments.

"Goodnight Jess, love you." He kissed her gently on the forehead as she softly slept, already having fallen asleep earlier.  
They loved watching movies together but often she'd fall asleep so he'd always carry her to bed. Soon after he'd be out too,  
ready to do it all again the next day. Sam Winchester had a kid, and he loved her more than he could ever put into words.


	4. It's All In Your Head, Sam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Was this a dream or was it real? Sam couldn't tell between his screams. Lucifer was back and he was torturing Sam in every way imaginable. How would he get out of this one?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning // slight gore, mentions of PTSD (slight S15 Spoilers)

It was a quiet day, almost eerily quiet in the bunker, something Sam came to hate. Some peace was always welcoming but this   
pure silence, not even a bit of shuffling, would often send shivers down his spine for two reasons. One, often because that meant  
Dean was sneaking around to surprise him and laugh when he jumped two feet in the air, or two because a monster was in the   
bunker and was coming to get him. As much as it momentarily frightened him he would take that any day over possibly being  
killed by some supernatural being. He didn't quite know how to tell his brother to stop scaring him because it often triggered his  
PTSD and could take a while to recover due to his hypersensitivity. If it was a monster, he was too tired to care. He wanted to   
enjoy this silence, even if it would be his last. After shaking the dark thoughts from his mind he wandered into the kitchen to   
make himself a cup of coffee. He checked the clock and realized he was likely the only one up right now, as it was 6am, no   
wonder it was so quiet. He often had trouble keeping time because of his years in hell, time had often been skewed and   
sometimes he felt as if he couldn't trust the clocks, but he ignored that feeling right now. After settling down to drink his coffee  
and eat a bit of food he let his mind drift. They had to think of an idea on how to defeat Chuck, otherwise they'd never be able  
to escape this terrible cycle they were in. The feeling of being overwhelmed was often what came into his mind when thinking  
about this given it's absurdity. Killing God?? The man upstairs? This was a new level of crazy, even for the Winchesters. They   
had no choice, though, so Sam had to think as far outside the box as possible. Although this seemed like an impossible task, he'd  
gotten a win. They'd gotten Jack back, soul and all, untouched and still the same kid they had been raising for the past few   
years. He'd take that win, whatever it came with. Lost in thought, his gaze fixated on his coffee as his hands wrapped around the  
small mug filled with dark liquid tightly.

"Hiya Sammy!" An ecstatic voice piped up behind him. Had the voice belonged to Dean or maybe even Jack he would have not  
gotten shivers down his spine. It did not belong to either of them, however, which made him whip his head around to meet bright  
red eyes. Lucifer.

"W-what the-?" was all that came out. How was this even possible? How long had he been back? His thoughts raced for a moment before   
stopping suddenly. Chuck. He had brought Lucifer back to throw the Winchesters off his trail. What scared him even more was that he   
couldn't tell whether Lucifer was actually real or in his head. Perhaps Chuck had broken his wall again to screw with him and let him go   
insane, that didn't sound very far fetched at the moment. 

"Missed me bunk buddy? I sure missed you," a devilish grin spread across his features as he stared at Sam intensely. Sam immediately   
felt nauseous as his mind took in what was happening right now. It suddenly felt like his world wasn't real as he took in the gravity of   
what was happening. He had two instincts. 

He stood up and then immediately called out, "DEAN!" as loud as he could. Mentally he had already begun to check out, noting how his  
vision had begun to get blurry and he felt lightheaded. He thought he had escaped this demon when he died years ago. He thought... he   
thought Lucifer was dead for good. Away from him, unable to get near him again, unable to hurt him again. His mind couldn't focus long   
enough to be able to remember what had happened, he was shutting down and really wished Dean would bust through the entrance to kill  
this son of a bitch and help him from passing out. Dean never came, and that worried Sam. Dean would always come if his brother called   
like this, frightened and dead serious. He was all alone on this one. Had Dean been here this would've already been taken care of, at least  
he hoped so. Dean was a lot braver than he was and he was willing to do whatever it would take to make Sam feel better. He knew he was  
being dramatic but god he really needed help right now. He really just wanted to collapse into his brothers arms, he felt like he was about to  
actually collapse, might as well be into the one person he trusted the most in this world. Where was Dean? He felt like crying. 

"Want to leave so soon, Sammy? We're just getting started." Sam raised his head slightly to meet the devil's eyes, panting heavily just to   
stay upright. Okay so he lied about saying his PTSD wasn't that bad, it was really bad. He tried not to think about it but this was not helping  
at all, considering it was the source of part of his trauma.

"Just do what you have to," he mumbled, not sure of what else to say, Lucifer wouldn't listen anyway. 

"How great of you to say that, I think we're going to have a great time. Just like old times, you and mean taking a world tour! You   
ready?" Sam flinched at how loud his words were. He shivered again, shrunk into himself as much as he could. He could barely believe he  
was still standing given how fragile he was right now. Before he could even process it somehow he was on a table, his wrists and ankles   
tied down and Lucifer standing over him. He was still in the kitchen, now apparently it was Lucifer's torture chamber. He was definitely  
going crazy given the fact that this appeared out of thin air, just like his detox in the bunker years ago. 

"What are you-" unimaginable pain tore through his thigh as a sharp knife sliced right through it. He screamed, his voice practically   
blowing out from how loud it was. He collapsed back against the table, tears leaking from his eyes and streaming down the sides of his   
face. And so it continued, a slice of a knife and then a harsh scream. 

"How you feeling Sammy? I feel great!" Sam grunted, only able to make a small noise from how sore his throat was. He panted heavily,   
tears still streaming down his face. His mind was reeling. Where was Dean or Cas or Jack? Were they safe? He imagined he must be in hell  
if Lucifer was able to manipulate his surroundings this easily. Had he never escaped? He truly was losing all sense of reality as each shred   
of a knife tore through a part of his body. After the legs came the arms, and Sam felt like it would never end. Slice after slice until he   
guessed there was nothing left of him to cut. He was going to die here, wasn't he? How fitting, his torturer finally getting the final kill. Sam   
suddenly felt so tired. Tired of never being able to win. He didn't even deserve a win he surmised, not after his demon blood affairs. No,   
after his demon blood demise. It had truly doomed him to deserve this personal hell. He hated thinking about it but he was about to die   
so he supposed now would be the time. 

Finally after hours of unimaginable pain and screams that escaped him with every cut, it stopped, just for a moment.  
Sam was temporarily distracted by a distant voice mumbling something to him. More pain ripped through his chest as the voice got louder,  
he could tell it was familiar. It was trying to say something. Suddenly the world around him dissipated into darkness and his eyes shot open.

"Sam! Sam wake up!" Jack was shaking him, his hands on his shoulders. He was in his room in his bed away from Lucifer but he was still  
spooked by the boy's hands on him. His world felt like it was imploding for just a moment. Was this a dream? Was this just one of Lucifer's  
realities to make him feel like he was safe? When would he be receiving the next slice in one of his limbs? Panic rose in his chest as he   
heaved in and out breaths while his mind caught up with his surroundings. Was it a nightmare? Was this a dream? Was he awake? His mind   
was reeling and Jack clearly didn't know how to help. Dean? Where was Dean? Or Cas? Where were they? He must be dreaming, it seemed   
too good to be true. He scrambled away from the boy and fell off the bed, landing straight on his hip. He gasped in pain and collapsed to   
the ground absolutely dazed. He vaguely heard Jack call something out, he didn't know if it was to him or someone else. He suddenly   
remembered how much he had been struggling to stand up only minutes ago, guessing that was why he couldn't move right now. He could  
tell his vision was still blurry as he mind tried to catch up to what was happening right now, but before long two figures were at his side and  
he was lifted off the ground and into just whose arms he was looking for. Dean sat him up and pulled him close to him, checking his head  
with his hand. His hand landed on Sam's cheek as he looked into his dazed brother's eyes, trying to get his attention. Sam instead opted to  
bury his head into his brother's chest and grip him tight with the energy left in his body. Cas assisted in helping Dean pick Sam up and put   
him back on the bed. Sam never let go of Dean but eventually was able to open his eyes again. Cas eventually decided to give them space  
and took Jack to check up on some things while Dean made sure Sam was okay. 

"Sammy? You okay?" He shivered at the name given who had used it last but replied nevertheless.

"Yeah.. think so, jus' had a nightmare." He surmised that was what it must have been given this felt a lot more real then what had played  
out in his brain just minutes ago. Dean had grounded him.

"Wanna talk about it?" Dean asked again softly. Sam shook his head, Dean didn't need to know. What Sam didn't know was that he already  
did. 

"It was Lucifer, wasn't it?" He shivered again, that was a good enough answer for Dean.

"Sammy, you know he's dead right? Has been for years, in fact you were the one who did it. Shot him right between the eyes your gun after   
we turned him human. You killed him, Sam, he's gone. This is real." He could never truly put into words how dearly he needed his brother.  
He somehow could read his mind and brought him back to Earth with just a few sentences. His grip loosened as he realized Dean was right.  
He remembered it now, killing Lucifer. They'd drained him of grace to use for a portal and then he'd shot him immediately after, ensuring  
he'd never be an issue again. And he'd basked in it. Dean may have killed Hitler but Sam killed Lucifer, his torturer, and that felt better   
than anything else in the world. 

"Thanks, De," Sam mumbled, a childlike demeanor coming out of him. Sam needed Dean, and Dean needed Sam. That's how it always was  
and how it would always be, God or no God.


	5. Enochian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas notices Sam can speak fluent Enochian, where he learned it however is what troubles the angel. He wants to find a way to take away the pain associated with this language, so he shows Sam a way how to turn it from darkness to light.

Castiel would always be baffled at the fact that Sam Winchester could speak Enochian so well, however the reason why was something he still didn’t know. Although he and Sam hadn’t formally put a label on what was happening between them, they weren’t full on making out as friends, something was clearly there. Most often he would hear his maiden language at night as they slept together (more so as Sam slept and Cas watched over him while also cuddling with him), soft whispers of Enochian coming from Sam’s mouth. 

Often it would be single words, not connecting to eachother and just gibberish. But sometimes it would be full sentences, it would be memories. He was talking about his time in the cage from what Cas could gather. He didn’t know much of what Sam went through, the younger man would never ever talk about it, not unless he had to. Even if he was this close to Cas he would never budge on it, which scared the angel. How much it must have traumatized Sam, damaged him, how much it scarred him. Cas wished more than anything that he could take that pain away, with his lips or his fingers he didn’t care, he just wanted Sam to be okay, whatever it would take. He never knew how to respond to Sam’s mumbles, he simply just listened, which was what he was doing right now.

“it’s been weeks... please let me go.” Was he in a nightmare? Cas couldn’t tell. Sam spoke Enochian so fluently that anyone else would assume it was his first language, but Cas knew deep down something was wrong with the man. How had he learned it in the cage?

Cas stopped to take in Sam’s features, the hunter’s soft face was scrunched, lines of worry spanned his forehead while his brows furrowed frustratedly. His eyes were squeezed shut, no trace of his sunflower eyes in sight. His soft lips curved into a frown that Cas wished he could kiss away. He looked distressed and there was nothing Cas could do, as he refused to wake him up. Sleep never came easy to Sam Winchester, and Cas would be dammed if he were to ruin it. He brought a hand up to stroke it gently against his lovers’ cheek. Sam’s features immediately softened, as if they were reacting to the small affection Cas had hoped would help quell Sam’s restless sleep. 

“Please.. not now Lucifer. Let me rest. Let me rest.” He was right. Lucifer and Michael must have spoken it in the cage, and Sam had picked it up. Cas immediately felt a wave of guilt wash over him at using enochian in the past. It must’ve been so anxiety inducing for Sam to hear the language his torturers used for thousands of years while making him suffer for what must have felt like eternity. Cas silently vowed never to use it again unless he absolutely had to, he would not make Sam uncomfortable like that ever again. He decided to try something.

“Sam, you are not in the cage. You are safe with me in bed, you are not in danger. Rest.” He spoke Enochian as well, hoping it would get through to Sam. He hoped it would quell the man’s nightmare and set him at ease. It worked to his knowledge given that Sam didn’t speak again that night. The younger hunter stilled and his face softened, telling Cas the man might finally be temporarily at peace and sound asleep. The angel believed he was right when after some time Sam adjusted his position and ended up laying his head on Cas’s chest and snoring softly, indicating he was in deep sleep. He was practically purring on the angel’s chest, arms wrapped lazily around Cas’s frame. In turn Cas wrapped his arms around Sam, finally allowing himself to drift into a light and functionless sleep, at peace with his human wrapped in his arms. 

Sam rose without issue the next morning, seemingly unaware of his nighttime speaking. Cas wasn’t going to mention it in case Sam didn’t know and could become upset about it, if it worked then it worked. After breakfast Sam returned to his room quietly, setting off a red flag for Cas. Sam would never hide, not from Dean, not during the day. His reservations and insecurities would remain hidden and buried until he could retire to his room at night and let them out in quiet sobs. Cas had been present for far too many and had to soothe Sam far too many times for his liking. Sam did not deserve to suffer this much, not for any reason. 

Cas was up and off to Sam’s room before he could think about it. He slowed before reaching the door that read room twenty one, he didn’t want to startle his lover, instead he chose to knock quietly and wait a moment. A muffled ‘come in’ from Sam indicated Cas could open the door. He opened it slowly and slipped into the room, shutting it behind him. 

“Hey Cas what’s up?” Sam asked, seemingly oblivious. Cas opted to come and sit down next to Sam, reaching out his hand and in return receiving the man’s larger and more calloused hand. He squeezed it a bit, indicating his affection.

“You retired to your room early, I wanted to make sure you were okay,” he replied honestly, stroking his thumb over Sam’s hand softly. 

“I’m just tired I guess,” Sam shrugged. When he noticed Cas wasn’t satisfied with his answer he continued, “I didn’t sleep well last night.” So he did know. Was it a nightmare?

“Was it a nightmare?” He voiced his thoughts, asking genuinely. Sam paused for a moment, seemingly hesitant.

“Yeah, it didn’t last long though. It just wore me out I think.” Cas didn’t like dancing around his point, so he didn’t.

“Sam I had no idea you could speak fluent Enochian.” Sam blushed at that, his gaze dropping to his lap. A soft piece of hair fell in front of his eyes.

“Um- yeah I can a bit. Did you hear me or something?” Cas nodded. 

“In your sleep, you were mumbling. Where did you learn it from?” He knew this question would be a bit pressing but he had to know, he had to be able to help Sam somehow, any way possible. Sam hesitated, clearly having a hard time answering. Cas reached his other hand out to place it under Sam’s chin and lift his head so their eyes could meet. “If you don’t want to talk about it I will drop it.” Sam smiled a bit, his lips curving up into a small smile.

“Thanks Cas, I appreciate you telling me that. I think I picked it up from my time in hell, Michael and Lucifer would use it a lot.” Sam shivered at the use of their names. Cas dropped his hand to rest on Sam’s knee. 

“I’m sorry it has been tainted for you, Sam. I wish I could show you that Enochian doesn’t have to be evil. It is such a beautiful language when used properly.” Sam nodded softly, then let his gaze rest on his lap again. Cas halted for a moment, trying to think of something he could do in his head. A lightbulb went off a moment later and he looked back at Sam again. 

“Sam, do you trust me?” Sam stopped for a moment. His trust had been tainted over the years, Cas knew that, but he knew that Sam knew that he would never ever do anything to hurt him, at least he hoped so. 

“Of course Cas.” Sam nodded, his gaze fixed on Cas’. The angel hesitated for a moment, thinking over his idea. He really hoped it would work, or minimally would soothe Sam’s restless mind. 

He wised up and closed the distance between both of them. His lips met Sam’s and immediately it was captivating. It was soft and more than anything Cas wanted to deepen it but he had to focus. His hands cupped Sam’s cheeks as he kissed the man as softly as he could. Soft moans of pleasure escaped both of their mouths as they almost got lost in the kiss. Cas wanted to bury himself in this sensation and never ever resurface, but alas he had a job to do. After a minute or so they broke away so that Sam could regain his breath. Cas felt Sam chase his lips for a moment before leaning back slightly. Both men panted heavily as they tried to recover from the intoxicating kiss. Cas took it as an opportunity to slide his hands down Sam’s chest and to the hem of his gray t-shirt. He tugged it upward and Sam pulled it over his head, dropping it onto the floor next to them.

Although they had never gone far past kissing before Cas knew this wouldn’t be the time they would have sex for the first time, he was just trying to make Sam comfortable. It felt more soft then sexual. Sam leaned his forehead against Cas’s, chest bare and finally evening out with his slower breaths. Cas pushed Sam back, the man’s back thudding against the mattress. Cas hovered over him, his gaze fixed intensely on Sam’s. Their eyes never broke, not until Sam pulled Cas in for another kiss, this time short. Cas broke away to begin his plan. 

“I want you to feel comfortable with Enochian, it is nothing to be afraid of,” Sam stopped in his tracks and looked at Cas, taken aback by the use of the language. He nodded softly after a moment, his trust in Cas kept him planted there, back against the mattress and gaze fixed on the angel above him. Cas moved his lips from his Sam’s down to the man’s jaw, lightly planting a kiss on the defined edge. 

“Enochian is an old language, I have spoken it since I was created.” He opted to leave anything out about Chuck or Lucifer or Michael to keep Sam calm and enticed. The man nodded, no words in return. 

“I thought the first humans spoke Enochian, but when I came to Earth for the first time I realized I was wrong. They spoke caveman, I’m not quite sure how to speak that.” Sam chuckled softly at that, his lips curving into a smile. Cas moved his lips down to Sam’s neck, still soft and lightly peppering kisses all over it. Sam raised his head to give Cas better access to his neck. He hummed softly. 

“After I left Earth I did not return for a long time. Rome was not as cool as they say,” he continued, moving his lips to Sam’s collarbone. His stomach fluttered as he went on, “I did not return to Earth after that until now, until you.” Sam felt his heart explode at the ‘you’ that left Cas’s lips. This new use of Enochian suddenly drowned out the old bad memories he had with it, that and Cas’s lips all over him. 

“Why me?” He asked genuinely. Cas moved his lips down to Sam’s collar bone, continuing his soft trail of kisses. 

“You are unlike any man I’ve ever met before, Sam Winchester. You and your brother mean a lot to me but I have never felt this for another being before, not this feeling. You are magnificent, I want you to know that.” Sam truly didn’t know how to reply. He was overwhelmed by Cas’s kindness and felt tears well up in his eyes. No one had ever been this kind to him and he never thought someone would. Cas stopped for a moment, raising his head. 

“Sam?” he asked, now in English, “have I done something to upset you?” Sam quickly shook his head, he didn’t want to let Cas assume he did something wrong.

“No, not at all sorry Cas. Just- no ones ever been this nice to me, and it’s a little overwhelming,” he laughed nervously, quickly swiping the tears off of his cheeks. Cas smiled softly, coming back to kiss Sam softly on the lips. 

“There will never be a day where I will not want to take care of you, Sam Winchester. You have been too brave for too long, someone needs to take care of you. So let me, okay?” Sam nodded, a genuine smile on his face. He knew Cas was right, so he focused on relaxing and enjoying Cas’s kisses. Enochian became their love language, something only they would understand. It turned from something Sam was tortured with by hearing to the comfort of his angel and he loved Castiel for it. Cas seemed to turn all of his darkness into light and it made Sam so incredibly happy. He loved Cas more then he realized.


	6. Little Frog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [ 15.18/15.19 SPOILERS ]
> 
> Cas is gone. Sam is having trouble coping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is short and messy but i figured i’d post it anyway :’)

Sam couldn’t quite remember when he had last talked to his brother, it may have been days or weeks at this point, most things were really a blur now. He couldn’t remember the last time he had eaten either, the emptiness he felt indicated probably not for at least a day. He sat at the end of his bed, barely resting on the neatly made covers that covered the new mattress he had gotten a year ago. The two pillows sitting at the wooden headboard taunted him devilishly. He refused to look at them right now, instead turning his gaze back to what was sitting in his hands. 

Grasped loosely between his fairly large hands was a stuffed frog, bright green and smiling back at him with it’s large stitched eyes. Under his calloused hands he felt soft fur, the softest he had ever felt in all his life. He fondly remembered snuggling his face into the plush while trying to sleep on many occasions. He stroked his thumb across the material gently while hardly moving his eyes, as if a piece of him felt afraid that the stuffed animal was made of glass and could shatter if he gripped it just a little too tight. He blinked a few times until his vision blurred and cold thin tears leaked from his tired eyes. He had spent his days crying, he knew there wasn’t much left to fall at this point. 

Fifteen days, it had been fifteen days since he’d lost Cas. He remembered the moment Dean had told him, sitting on the floor of the dungeon in tears, his brother’s quiet and broken voice pouring through the phone. Sam had been on the road with Jack during the conversation, he was hardly able to keep himself from throwing up after Dean brokenly told him his boyfriend was dead. His rock, his anchor, his best friend of twelve years, his boyfriend of six, the best thing that had ever happened to him was gone. the next few days had felt like a blur but he remembered defeating chuck and triumphantly leaving, finally able to have a somewhat normal life.

His little spurt of happiness lasted short of a few days before the painful reminder of Cas’s demise took its cold grip over his entire body. That had been a week ago now, a week that he’d barely left his room, barely ate, barely drank, barely slept, barely felt a thing. He was hanging on by a single thread with no sign of making it out of this dark tunnel. After their all their work, after all the years and years of strife and pain and grief and loss, he was free, but he couldn’t feel even an ounce of relief now that the one other person (besides his brother) he wanted to celebrate it with, was dead. He had asked Jack, practically begged his son in prayer to bring his angel back every single night but so far he hasn’t heard anything from the boy. Days and days stretched on of him begging and pleading for one more thing. Just one more, just Cas and that would be it. He knew it wasn’t that simple but he didn’t care, after his decades of saving and world over and over again he deserved this, and more. For everyone he had lost, for everyone he couldn’t save or had to sacrifice he deserved the one thing that kept him sane back. No matter how hard for begged, Jack hadn’t answered him as of yet. 

He focused his hazy gaze back on the small frog and curled up, laying softly on his side while burying his red nose into the soft fur. More cold tears slipped down his cheeks as he sobbed softly, once again wracked by the painful reminder that his angel was gone for good. No more God to take mercy on him, no more nice guy, no more favors, no more good luck. 

“Jack, please. Bring h-him back to m-me.” He whimpered quietly, mostly to himself. He couldn’t take anymore days like this, unable to focus or even breathe without feeling weighed down by the loss. Suddenly a soft hand was placed on his shoulder and a soft but gravelly voice was whispering in his ear, forcing his eyes to shoot open. He knew whose voice that was and he knew whose hand that was.


End file.
